Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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