just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
where does the pee come out of this thing
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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