Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
