he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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