During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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