apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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