He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
