My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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