oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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