My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
