I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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