Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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