well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
