i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
