she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
