I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
