if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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