I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
