i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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