He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
