Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
