I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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