dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
