I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
