It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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