Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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