Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
