Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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