You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
