He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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