Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
