grandma shit on top of the toilet
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
