you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
