how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
