Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
