and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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