the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
