Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
