just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
