I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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