We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
