Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
