Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
