Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
