Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
