Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
