Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
