Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
