garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
