Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
