My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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